• What are they?
• Why do we need them?
• How do we deal with people who don’t have them?
Boundaries keep us safe. Rules act as boundaries; systems act as boundaries; beliefs act as boundaries, as do customs. These boundaries have an emotional gate that keeps us safe. Then there are physical boundaries, that can and should only be crossed through an invitation. We can feel when someone crosses our boundaries. Usually it it someone who does not have any or very few boundaries and they then cannot feel our boundaries. We feel uncomfortable. We may feel as we have been invaded, we feel dissed, discounted, walked over and we become defensive. We may use anger as a weapon.
As we become more mature, we push our boundaries and become more inclusive, letting more things, situations and people in. We test our limits and we grow.
And as we grow we can learn to respect other peoples boundaries.
In a hospitality situation we may encounter many people who do not have good boundaries or any… and when the anger boils up what do we do besides stuffing it.
If I have learned anything in my golden years it is to first and foremost to forgive myself for having negative feelings and then treat the “offender sternly telling them what I need them to do, setting rules. We do not invade each others physical space unless there is a request that is granted. This is what I need from you, be firm and caring and continue to remind that person as if teaching a child. It works when we set boundaries for those who do not have them.
Hospitality Director Lupin Lodge