Boundaries:
• What are they?
• Why do we need them?
• How do we deal with people who don’t have them?
 
Boundaries keep us safe. Rules act as boundaries; systems act as boundaries; beliefs act as boundaries, as do customs. These boundaries have an emotional gate that keeps us safe. Then there are physical boundaries, that can and should only be crossed through an invitation. We can feel when someone crosses our boundaries. Usually it it someone who does not have any or very few boundaries and they then cannot feel our boundaries. We feel uncomfortable. We may feel as we have been invaded, we feel dissed, discounted, walked over and we become defensive. We may use anger as a weapon.

As we become more mature, we push our boundaries and become more inclusive, letting more things, situations and people in. We test our limits and we grow.

And as we grow we can learn to respect other peoples boundaries.

In a hospitality situation we may encounter many people who do not have good boundaries or any… and when the anger boils up what do we do besides stuffing it.

If I have learned anything in my golden years it is to first and foremost to forgive myself for having negative feelings and then treat the “offender sternly telling them what I need them to do, setting rules. We do not invade each others physical space unless there is a request that is granted. This is what I need from you, be firm and caring and continue to remind that person as if teaching a child. It works when we set boundaries for those who do not have them.

Lupin Rochelle
Hospitality Director Lupin Lodge

Dear folks who actually read this thing,

I will for the most part be stepping back from my role at Lupin. For those of you who might actually miss my face in the office and as Front of the House in the restaurant, I wish you all a fond farewell. I will miss talking to you and providing you libations in my campaign to Liquor up Lupin, as well as seeing your smiling faces at checkin and hearing your stories upon checkout. But fear not—I will remain developing/compiling/editing/ruining the This Weekend at Lupin (TWAL) newsletter.

For those with whom I have been lucky enough to work here, I will miss you too. Though I am leaving in a work capacity only, and will remain here as your friend, I want you all to know that I have been truly blessed to work with all of you, and I have loved being part of your family.

With love (I swear I’m not dying of consumption even though it kind of reads that way),

Sierra R.

By Sierra R.

I live on site here at Lupin, in an old Prowler trailer from the 80s that is still sturdy like a tank, and likely will be long after I’m gone. 

I wake up to the sound of birds every morning—and occasionally the braying of Rosie the Donkey up the hill. My trailer walls are thin, so the bustle of morning always sounds like it’s in the room with me.

On days off, I take a walk down by the creek. The trees are thicker there, and it’s usually darker there too, but it’s quiet, which I like. Sometimes the wild turkeys are down there, being herded not-super-successfully by one bigger turkey. Besides their gobbling and the soft gurgle of the creek, there is very little sound. Only my feet on the ground, and sometimes noises of humanity in the distance.

The trails on the hill are a little much for me at this point—an old hip injury (and sheer laziness) keep me on the flat for the most part. 

Midday I take to the pool now that it’s heated, and after I shower outdoors and air dry if it’s warm enough. I prefer the showers downstairs—they’re more peaceful, and sometimes deer show up nearby and look at me like I’m crazy.

In the evening, I sit on my front porch and watch the sky fade into darkness. The stars come out one at a time, brighter than most places around here without the usual light pollution.

I go to bed to the sound of crickets, rustlings of skunks and raccoons outside, and wind in the trees.

I know I’m usually glib—and hopefully funny—but I wanted to share my experience of living in such a beautiful place with no flippant turns of phrase and with only sincerity. It’s just like living in paradise.

By Sierra R.

1. Wear sunscreen. Wear all the sunscreen. Buy out your local drugstore and apply liberally. Then apply again once you’ve managed to sweat that off, which, if my experience is any indication, will be five minutes after applying the first coat. Repeat into eternity.
2. If you are not going to wear clothes, have a buddy give you a thorough tick inspection after your hike. Even if you do wear clothes, have someone give you a tick inspection after. The rain has made for some beautiful landscape, but also a rather thirsty insect population. With that in mind, you may want to load up on bug spray for any twilight hikes to ward off mosquitoes.
3. Wear the right foot gear. You can probably get away with basic tennis shoes on most hikes around here, but make sure they’re comfortable, make sure your shoes and socks are dry, or look forward to the biggest blisters you’ve ever seen gracing your heels.
4. In general, hike with a buddy. Though we don’t have much in the way of lions and tigers and bears (oh my!), we do have the occasional cougar. They mostly view humans as too big to make for a decent snack, but better safe than stuck in cougar teeth.
5. Last but not least, pick a hike you think you’ll enjoy. Don’t try to conquer the Appalachian Trail your first time out, lest you become a cautionary tale—or worse, a viral video.

By Lupin Rochelle

Why do I, We – Get Angry?

Anger is toxic – it pollutes our personal atmosphere

My sense of justice has been betrayed. I have been falsely accused. I get frustrated when things don’t go the way I want them, when people don’t perform the way I want, when I let myself down, don’t live up to my standards or my families or society’s. To name a few triggers. And I imagine others get angry for some of the same reasons.

When alone, I take my anger out on me. Maybe I’ll feel ashamed, guilty, depressed etc. But if someone is around, it is easier to be angry at them, just because they’re there and I believe they feel the same sense of loathing for me that I feel.

Forgiveness is called for the angry. Forgiving ourselves for our humanness, for our fear of being annihilated because we screwed up.

When one stubs their toe, they don’t want to hear, “why weren’t you more careful?” They, we, I, want succor, comfort, healing.

How do we offer that to ourselves, each other?

I have learned to become aware of the signs that anger is about to erupt like the lava from a volcano and engulf the joy in my life; and I look at it, back away, and say in so many words: “Whoops!”

I watch myself about to become embroiled, and I share it with a willing ear: “I just got so annoyed when she, he, said, did that. Boy did that knock me off my perch!” Then—and this is the fun part—I sometimes see myself as an animated figure, steam popping out of my ears, eyes popping out of my sockets, and I have to laugh at my ridiculousness.

When I am aware of what I need in those moments, I can share them with my angry brethren.

I can feel the self-accusation under the anger.

I can feel the need for forgiveness and I will do my best to deliver.

Rochelle
-Hospitality Director Lupin Lodge

By Sierra R.

When unclothed in the wild, there are always potential challenges. Rain, chill, scraping vulnerable parts against less-than-sympathetic flora or landscape. When one is a very pale person on top of this, there are additional concerns.

The top three difficulties of being a very pale person who likes to be very nude are:

1. The sheer cost of sunscreen – since we are forced to apply sunscreen approximately every 12.7 minutes, we go through a phenomenal amount of it (always SPF 50 or above) to keep our skin and important bits from sizzling like bacon in the sun.
2. For some reason, it is nearly impossible to get a tan. I cannot count the number of times I have laid out in the futile hope of developing a bronzy glow, only to spend days looking like a tomato that applied too much red lipstick… and still, not long after, returning to the healthy complexion of an anemic ghost.
3. The reflection of our buttocks in the sun can down passing planes. (Said buttocks can, however, be used in place of a lantern on a dark night.) Our skin tone can be a hazard to our own vision as well—I once foolishly looked at myself without eye protection in the sun and spent hours recovering my sight.

Though there are other challenges to being a naturist, for those of the pale persuasion and those of a less blinding skin tone, I would not trade the freedom of being naked (and the freedom to rob passing strangers of their ability to see) for anything.

Changes are coming, changes are here. Everything is constantly changing, we are constantly changing. Even our resistance to change is changing according to what we are in resistance to.
A familiar knee jerk reaction has been to resist change because even if life is uncomfortable it is familiar and if it changed it might get worse.

The biggest resistance to change is that it is out of our control like natural changes, seasons, weather, internal and physical changes. We mature, we grow older, we die. And then there are global and world changes which seem completely out of our control like wars and pandemics.

In fact, the only thing constant is change. From the moment we are conceived, we begin to change. Not one of us is the same as we were at 2 years old, or ten years old, or 13 years old…okay maybe it seems like we’re still teenagers even though our mirrors just laugh at that image.
So there is individual change, collective change, situational change, and global change.

But the only thing that matters personally is how we react to those changes. Do we resist them? Can we change them for the better?  Do they depress us? What do they teach us about ourselves?

When I embrace change, I change for the better, I grow as a person. When I resist change,  it hurts. Errol wrote this line: “Resistance is what we add to pain to make it last longer and hurt more”.

It seems like a no-brainer. I am one for embracing change.

Rochelle
Hospitality Director Lupin Lodge

This month’s hospitality notes are from a section of “The Common Sense Guide to Living at Lupin” by Glyn Stout. I am using it because it so mirrors my own thoughts and feelings and is so appropriate for this month

TRY A LITTLE LOVE by Glyn Stout

Nothing is more vital than to start (and if necessary, restart) each day with love in your heart and a smile on your face. It’s the best decision you can make for Lupin’s composite energy and for your own health. And it has an amazing effect on others, too. There is no better agent for creating positive change.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Used as a natural, mood-altering drug, love is even better for the giver than for the recipient, who may be unaware. To love is a profound, continuous choice which can even improve the body’s immune system.  No pill or diet could do better.

Loving others even when it is most difficult to love them is, of course, the greatest challenge. Love is most profound when it is unconditional. If all love had to be earned, the entire human race would be bereft.

People are just mirrors for ourselves. The “reasons” we often use to reject people are for behaving in ways that we don’t like in ourselves or others we care deeply about. Learning to love our “adversaries” may thus be a precondition for learning to love our imperfect selves. It’s possible to hate sin and still love the sinner.

Imperfection is why forgiveness is love’s first requirement. People don’t always act lovable, and they don’t always apologize when they transgress. There is nothing more self-destructive than hanging on to an old grievance, however justified.  It’s far more self-empowering to forgive than to be right.

Some may think that mixing love and business is inappropriate, though the counter-argument is more persuasive. Lupin is in the people business, and all people, though unique, need love. It’s a universal, all-purpose curative ingredient. The best thing about involving love in solutions is that it never hurts to try it, even after all else fails.”

And I might add that we all want to be seen, heard and appreciated and this is the best way to show Love—by listening, seeing and appreciating others.

Rochelle
Hospitality Director Lupin Lodge

It is a new year and though we are only a few days into it nothing much has changed, at least not noticeably.  We are still dealing with a frightful virus and divisive politics, a masked populace, severe unemployment, crazy climate. fires and floods.

But here at Lupin we have the opportunity to learn from all the lessons we encountered in 2021 and do our best to navigate 2022 with greater ease. I am always aware that if I want things to change, I have to change. Changing one’s habits and perceptions and letting go of assumptions is not easy but if one is willing it is possible and what a difference it makes. “A little willingness goes a long way”.

So, if one is going to make a New Years resolution it is wise to be aware of the places that stand in the way of getting or doing what we want to make our lives better or more manageable.  Am I or you willing to let go of them? When I am clear about my intention, (my personal mission statement) and keep it front and center in my consciousness it becomes easier.  I can go to it and ask, am I on track, what is keeping me off track?  Am I willing to let go of the things that keep me from feeling nurtured, safe , clean and healthy?

Let’s say yes and see if we can hold the space for each of us to indeed have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Rochelle
Hospitality Director Lupin Lodge